Alistair Theirin vs the World
by Shepard Supreme
Summary: Alistair just now realized he loves Lissy Cousland.  To defend her honor, he must battle 7 exes who have been scheming to get rid of Alistair! Many, many lol's - FINAL CHAPTER!
1. vs Ser Gilmore

**Alistair Theirin Vs. The World**

**Vs. Ser Gilmore**

It was when Lissy Cousland was lifting her great-sword high in the air to slaughter the Archdemon, that Alistair realized: _I freakin' love this chick._

Why hadn't he seen it before? She was cute, tough, sweet, cute, and totally kicked ass!

It was in that moment, that he became extremely thankful that he slept with Morrigan the night before. _Eww, smelly frocks._

After that weird, explosion thing that came out of the Archdemon, he ran over to Lissy.

He twirled her around, making her blonde pigtails fly in the wind, and gave her a big, slobbery kiss in front of the whole world.

Little did he know, he would be fighting it soon.

Lissy succumbed to Alistair's witty charms and boyish good looks.

Within the week they were participating in a non-stop smooch fest with each other.

And within two weeks, they got married and became the new Warden Commanders of Ferelden's relatively small group of Grey Wardens.

Yup, things were going pretty good for Alistair Theirin.

He was just about to give his new bride another kissy when -

SMASH!

"Whoa, what the hell?"

Lissy answered, "Ser Gilmore! But I thought you were dead!"

"Alas, my Lady, I am alive. And I am here to kick some Theirin ass!"

Now, to Alistair Therin, those were fighting words. No one told _his_ lady that they were alive!

"Oh yeah? Bring it on!", Alistair challenged.

Ser Gilmore threw his blade toward Alistair. Alistair quickly smashed his shield into Gilmore's face.

Gilmore tried to get the upper hand, but his level was way too low due to his large absence during most of the game.

"Blast it all! You have beaten me Ser Alistair."

"Of course I have and - wait - why did you attack me in first place?"

"I have joined an alliance with six of Lissy's exes. We all vowed that we would take you down!", Gilmore explained.

"SIX EXES!", Alistair was horrified by the number. She sure wasn't kidding when she said she had licked her share of lampposts!

"Well, technically seven, if you count Gilmore.", Lissy added.

"Oh Maker!"

"You must fight them my dear, it is the only way we can be together!"

"Umm, but, we are married so-"

"It is the ONLY WAY!"

He would do it. He would fight for his woman's honor! (And look good doing it)

_Watch out exes, here I come._

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Hahaha! Heat of the moment type thing…but please review.

Who do you think her exes are?


	2. vs A Master of Karate

**Vs. A Master of Karate**

Alistair Theirin was taking a quiet stroll through Denerim's Market District with his _cute, little, squishy cheeked_ wifey-poo.

_Isn't she beautiful and wonderful and pretty?_, he thought to himself.

While admiring the way her hair shined in the sunlight, Alistair remembered something. Something important!

"Oh yeah, I have to fight off those six exes of your!"

"THE ONLY WAY", Lissy screamed.

"My darling, dear, angel face? Why don't you tell me who your exes are so that I can find them and beat them to a pulp?"

But his dearest wifey started crying, and explained, "I can't tell you, it makes me too upset! Besides, if I tell you then everyone will know and they won't keep reading!"

"What?"

"_What?"_

"Huh?"

"Oh, never mind. Just get out there and defend my honor!"

"Will do!", he snapped his fingers then pointed them at her in a gun shape. Which was silly since he didn't really know what a "gun" was.

Alistair began diligently searching for the evil exes.

"Hey you!", he pointed at the merchant dwarf, Gorim.

"Fine dwarven crafts, direct from Or-"

"Cut the crap bud. You been sleeping with my wife? Quick! Where were you the night of-"

"Whoa, whoa buddy. I haven't slept with your lady. Now put me down!"

Alistair reluctantly let go of the dwarf's shirt collar. _But if he isn't an ex, who is?_

WHIP!

The arrow only narrowly missed Alistair's perfect coif. Running his fingers through his golden hair, Alistair searched for the culprit who mercilessly sought to give him a bad hair day.

He looked from the left, to the right, to the in between left and right, and then behind him. And in a flash he saw a man dart from one building to the next. And he was - wait. _Is he humming his own theme music?_

With his long raven hair blowing in the wind, the man jumped in front of Alistair and screamed, "Mortal Kombat!" This was followed by series of high kicks and karate chops to the air.

Alistair couldn't believe his eyes. Apparently, Nathaniel Howe had marched down from the Free Marches (whoa, say that five times fast) to seek his vengeance as an _evil ex!_

"Listen fluffy.", Nathaniel taunted, "The Dapper Old Lissy Lover's Society has come to-"

"Hold up! Dapper Old Lissy Lover's Society? You're the DOLLS?", Alistair busted out laughing.

"That's besides the point! Eat my arrows!"

Alistair would have dodged the arrow aimed at his shoe, had he not been trying to say "marched from the Free Marches" five times fast. Now he was pinned to the ground. And with no where to go, things were starting to look pretty grim.

"Bwa ha ha ha! At last I have foiled your plan of being with Lissy. And now I will-", but Nate was cut off by a lovely Orlesian voice.

"You're really going to start a monologue right now?", Leliana asked.

"And who might you be?"

"I am the terror that flaps in the night, and I come in the name of LOVE!", she answered as she threw rose petals and glitter into the air.

After all of the rose petals were gone Leliana screamed, "Now eat _my _arrows!"

But Nathaniel was too quick, and dodged each of her arrows.

"Say, you're pretty good. What was your name?"

"Leliana, but-"

"Such a beautiful name, for such a beautiful lady.", he wooed.

"Eww, get a room.", Alistair finally spoke up.

"Now that's an idea. After _you_, my dear.", Nathaniel waved as Leliana giggled uncontrollably and threw another handful of glitter in the air.

_Well, that was odd_, Alistair thought. But no matter!

_Two down, five to go!_

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**AH I love Nate and Leliana**

**So we have Gilmore and Nathaniel**

**Who are the remaining DOLLS (Alistair snickers)**


	3. vs Silent and Not Really Too Deadly

**vs. Silent and Not Really Too Deadly**

Since she was finished smothering her new boyfriend with roses and golden arrows, Leliana found Alistair and joined him on the quest to find the five other DOLLS.

Alistair thought about who the remaining exes could be:

_They would have to be handsome, charming, and witty to capture the eye of the lovely Lissy. Who do I know that's handsome, charming, and witty?_, he asked himself.

"Ah-ha! _I_ am handsome, charming, and witty." But that didn't really add up. _I would know if __**I**__ was an evil ex. Right?_

"Let's see, Bann Teagan Guerrin, he was very flirtatious with Lissy during our trip to Redcliffe.", Leliana noted.

"Haha, nice try Leliana, but _everyone_ is expecting Teagan to be an ex! My guess is that it will be much trickier than that."

"Trickier? But all of the exes have pretty much attacked you in broad daylight. How is that tricky?"

Alistair was too deep in thought to bother with Leliana's trivial questions. He needed to find those exes…and soon!

_Perhaps it was Daveth, or Cailan, or Riordan_ - oh wait.

Alistair was just compiling a pretty good list of exes when -

THUD!

A rock bounced off of Alistair's armor.

"This armor is _brand new_! REVEAL yourself FIEND!", Alistair shouted whilst pumping his fist in the air.

Leliana handed the rock to Alistair which - "Hey this isn't a rock!", Alistair shouted.

It was at this point that the narrator got really mad at Alistair's frequent interruptions, and threw yet another rock at him.

"HEY! That really _hurts_ ya know! Now who threw the rune?"

Alistair was not prepared for what he was about to see. In the corner of the alley, standing at 5'7", was Alistair's very own - _Dramatic Music_ - BABY MOMMA!

"_Morrigan._", Alistair sneered.

Then he had a thought - a very disturbing thought.

"NOOOOoooOOoooOOooO!"

Leliana nudged him, interrupting his "no scene".

"What's wrong Al?", she asked

"Don't you see?", he cried, "Morrigan is an _evil ex_!"

"Calm yourself! I am **not** one of Lissy's exes. I am _dating_ her ex!", Morrigan corrected.

_**LOUDER DRAMATIC MUSIC**_

"Did you hear that? No? Just me? - Oh well - Reveal yourself EVIL EX, so that I may defend my woman's honor!"

From behind _Morrigan_ came a tall figure. The man stepped into the light revealing himself as, none other than - ummm who is that guy?

Morrigan scoffs, "Owain, remember? From the tower of Magi?"

"Doesn't ring a bell.", Alistair replied.

Owain reached into his pack and lifelessly threw another rune at Alistair.

Alistair looked at the man, then Morrigan, then Lissy. "My wife had sex with _this guy?"_

Owain finally spoke up in his usual mono-toned voice, "I was summoned to contact you on behalf of the D.O.L.L.S."

"You couldn't understand! He is more passionate then any man I have ever met.", Morrigan gushed dramatically.

"Shut-up you, and go make my baby!"

Alistair readied himself for another epic fight…only to see Owain walking away slowly.

"Hey! I am fighting for Lissy's honor! Where do you think you're going?"

"I must report back to the DOLLS, and let them know I have contacted you."

"HEY! I can't gain ANY experience this way; I won't be ready for the Final Boss!"

But Owain had gone as quickly as he had come.

"MY WIFE! Sex! With him? Owain! I don't even remember him from the game!"

Morrigan cried, "But we were in Love! He was going to raise my baby!"

Alistair tried to comfort her. After all, she _was _his baby momma!

_Only four more exes left. And hopefully, no more lame ones!_

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**Thanks for all of your awesome reviews :) **

**They keep me going**

**You have been great!**


	4. vs A Chick

**vs A Chick**

Alistair Theirin - Master of Combat, Slayer of Darkspawn, Demolisher of Evil, Eater of Cheese!

While thinking about how much cooler he was then any of Lissy's old flames, Alistair walked side by side with Leliana and Morrigan in search of the final four **Evil Exes**.

It took Leliana approximately 2.4 minutes to get Morrigan to stop crying over the loss of her lover, Owain. Alistair was confused over the abrupt mood change, but shrugged it off as a crazy, baby, hormone, thingy bobber.

Lissy had been summoned to Vigil's Keep because of Warden Commander duties. Alistair wondered why he wasn't invited. _I mean, I'm a Grey Warden too._

But now he was off topic, and he needed to focus on one thing: EXES.

"Where is a place where people fall in love?", he thought really hard.

_Where did he fall in love with Lissy_, think, Think, THINK!

"Oh yeah! The top of Fort Drakon. Let's go!"

Leliana stopped him, "We can't go to Fort Drakon, the only thing up there is that dragon corpse."

"Oh yeah. I wonder how they're going to get it down from there."

"It's funny, all of the other things we killed disappeared. I just realized how dumb that is.", Morrigan added.

"THE PEARL!", Alistair shouted.

"What of it?"

"Oghren always said he **loved** going to The Pearl. Maybe Lissy _loved_ something there too!"

"You know,", Leliana pondered, "we did go there a whole lot. More than we needed for side quests. And she seemed to talk to that woman at the counter a lot. Let's check it out."

Morrigan started crying, "I loved someone once, but it was ALL LIES!"

"Not this again. Mother Fu-"

"WAIT. You can't say that word. This fan fic is rated T!", Leliana stopped him.

Alistair smacked his forehead for forgetting the T rating. Then realized he just thought of a lot of **for **words, which made him giggle.

Upon entering The Pearl, they were warmly welcomed by big breasted women. _What nice ladies,_ thought Alistair.

WHIP!

"WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH ALL OF THE ONOMATOPOEA?", Alistair screamed.

Swinging in the air with a band of men, was the Queen of the Eastern Sea herself.

"Argh, I be one of Lissy's lovers. It be time for you to walk the plank!", Isabela demanded.

"Oh yeah.", he rememberd, "So….why are you talking like that?"

"Argh, it be me crew. Asked me to go to pirate camp, learnin' to be a proper captain."

"And they taught you to talk like that?"

"Hush it ya blige-sucking landlubber! Now boys, blow the man down!"

Isabela unsheathed her cutlass, swishing it in the air.

"You can't talk to my friend that way!", Morrigan started crying again.

_Friend?_ Alistair didn't like what those hormones were doing to Morrigan.

Morrigan's whining and screaming pierced the ears of their foes. Isabela's crew ran out of the whorehouse screaming for dear life. One screaming, "That's why ye wrap your willy!"

"Looks like your men _jumped ship_.", Alistair laughed loudly at his own joke.

"No matter, ye scallywag. I be the quickest captain in the world."

Alistair attacked the woman, but she dodged each of his attacks.

"I need buffed! Buff me!", Alistair screamed at Morrigan, causing her to cry again.

Then, swooping in with the cutlass, Isabela swung her blade at Alistair.

"Okay. That's it! No one _**swoops**_ at me! EAT STEEL!"

Alistair jumped with his legs lifted up and his sword high in the air.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH - Whoa what are those lines?" (Author whisperes: like in comic books)

Then he saw them: Sad. Puppy. Eyes.

"You wouldn't hurt me, would you?", Isabela asked, magically forgetting her captain voice.

Alistair was hypnotized by the sad eyes, "Woman crying. Must help!"

"Noooooo!", Morrigan screamed, then shot an fireball above Isabela's head causing Alistair to become un-hypnotized.

"Whoa, thanks baby-momma!", Alistair sighed with relief.

Isabela was pinned down, with no where to go.

"Ha! You have forgotten one thing, fool!", Isabela pointed out.

"Oh yeah? What's that?", asked Alistair.

SLASH!

"We had a threesome!", smiled the fifth ex.

**GASP**

"YOU!"

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**It could be Zevran...it could be Leliana...OR it could be neither. Who knows!**

**Sorry for delay... I was busy eating turkey!**


	5. vs The Cinco

**vs. The Cinco **

"Ha! You have forgotten one thing, fool!", Isabela pointed out.

"Oh yeah? What's that?", asked Alistair.

SLASH!

"We had a threesome!", smiled the fifth ex.

**GASP**

"YOU!"

**Zevran Arainai**

**Occupation: Assassin**

**Age: 28**

**Status: Alistair's Best Friend/Tent-mate**

**Oooooh BACKSTAB!**

"Make that EX best friend.", Alistair pouted.

"Ah - That's a shame. You would have made a splendid DOLL member.", Zevran taunted.

"NEVER!"

Zevran Arainai quickly jumped in front of Alistair and his crew, helping Isabela off of the ground.

Zevran and Isabela readied their blades.

"Ha, you can't defeat us! It's three against two, and we have every class represented. Leliana's bow, my shield, and Morrigan's - um - Morrigan? Where did she go?"

CRUNCH

CRUNCh

CRUNch

CRUnch

CRunch

Crunch

In the corner of the bar, standing at 5' 7", was Morrigan munching on a barrel of pickles.

"I can't help it!", she whined, "It's the cravings!"

"It's okay Al, we've got this!", Leliana reassured him.

**FIGHT!**

Leliana readied her bow, shooting out five arrows at a time. Arrows flew past their opponents heads. She kept shooting and shooting until - uh oh.

"No more arrows!", she cried at Alistair.

But it was too late. The rogues ganged up on Leliana, kicking her to the ground.

**Zevran levels up! Isabela levels up!**

"OOOHH, Let me pick my new skills. Just maxed my stealth tree, FABULOUS!"

Alistair waited patiently while Zevran picked out his new skills.

_Why am I waiting?_, Alistair finally realized his stupidity, and swiftly kicked Zevran in the chin! POW!

"Whoa dude, low blow!", Zevran said while regaining his balance.

Alistair sniffled, "No, NO. Do you know what's a 'low blow'? Finding out that my _best friend_ is an Evil EX!"

"What can I say? Lissy is a beautiful woman."

"But - but"

"Oh, spit it out!", Isabela harshly screamed

Alistair explained, "It's not about the sex. Well okay it kind of is, but not completely. Why did you join a group against me? Don't you remember, we were BFFs? You were my roommate, my buddy, my PAL!"

Alistair took off his glove to reveal a hand crafted bracelet with the word 'Best' on it.

Zevran, in turn, found his bracelet with the word 'friend'.

Alistair had a second bracelet with the word 'forever'.

Which went along nicely with Zevran's bracelet that said 'and ever'.

And let's not forget Alistair's brac -

"GAH! Hurry it up! Zevran, let's pummel this idiot in the name of the DOLLS.", Isabela screamed.

Zevran looked at Alistair, then at Isabela, at Alistair again, at Isabela again, and Alistair oneee more timee…..

"No! I am Zevran Arainai, and I will fight in the name of my BROMANCE!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm sayin'", Alistair shouted as he knuckle bumped Zevran.

"FINE!", Isabela shouted, "But now - now I get all of your experience points."

**Zevran levels down! Isabela levels up X2!**

"Ahh, man!"

The woman leaped from table to table, dodging all of Alistair and Zevran's attacks.

**BACKSTAB! DIRTY FIGHTING!**

"My health is below 25%! Morrigan, a little help here?"

But Morrigan was sleeping like a baby. (Crowd: Awwwwww)

"HAHAHA, I have you now!"

Isabela jumped in the air to deal a powerful kick to Alistair's face when - **POP**

Isabela was thrown to the ground by none other than -

"LISSY!"

"What _is_ that ridiculous outfit you're wearing?", Lissy asked Isabela.

"Don't even! Pirates are in this year!"

The women fought fiercely, weaving between each other. Isabela cowered at the sight of Lissy's maul.

"You're toast Pirate!"

Lissy threw Isabela in the air, then punched her toward Alistair.

"FINISH HER!"

Alistair raised forward, head butting the woman who, in turn, busted into glitter.

The four companions watched the new Warden Commander in awe.

Lissy put her hand on Alistair's shoulder.

"Al, if you wanna be hardcore," she paused to deal ultimate damage to the air with her fists, "you have to fight hardcore!"

Lissy clapped her hands together and disappeared in thin air.

_KICK ASS!_

"Oh look, we got loot!" Leliana exclaimed.

Alistair collected his treasures. Then the four of them headed out of the Pearl and into the city.

Before Alistair could think of a witty line about finding the remaining exes, he was knocked out by a barreling **WHACK** to the back of his head.

He woke up with visions of his sweet Lissy, still dancing in his head. Then heard someone say:

"Looks like he's awake, your Majesty"

**CROWD GASPS**

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**Of course it was Zevran! Who else would it be?**

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Don't forget to review \/**


	6. vs A Philanthropist

**vs. A Philanthropist**

Alistair Theirin knew many things. Where babies come from, that Lissy Cousland is the most prettiest girl in the world, and that cheese is made from the tenderness of a thousand angel kisses. These were just a few areas in which Alistair considered himself very knowledgeable.

The one thing he didn't know, was why the heck he was tied up to a chair in Denerim's Palace.

Alistair looked around for his companions, but couldn't find them.

Suddenly, floating down from the sky on a purple cloud with stars and pink bunnies jumping out of the sides, the Queen of Ferelden approached Alistair's chair.

"Ta-Daaahh", she squealed, "What did you think of the bunnies? Too much?"

Alistair was way too confused to answer her, so he just grunted.

"I KNOW RIGHT! They're so fluffy, I'm gonna die! FLUFFY!", She screamed and jumped up and down in the air.

Alistair chortled, "Ha, movie reference."

Anora stepped down from her cloud and plopped herself into Alistair's lap.

"So, I heard _someone_ got married recently. True?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Zevran, duh!"

"Damn it Zev!"

"Just so you know, Lissy is _**WAY**_ too good for you."

Alistair looked around, "Not to be "_that guy_", but I'm kind of tied to a chair right now. I mean, you don't want to be rude so…"

"Oh! Sure, I'll let you free from the chair."

"Oh, thank the Maker. Ya see, I've been looking for-"

"NOT!"

"Huh?"

"No. I will not '_untie you from the chair_'.", she mocked his voice, "Ya know why?"

"Cause your mean?"

"Because I've got _one_ question for you."

Alistair gulped loudly, and hoped her question was multiple choice!

Anora glowered at him, and placed her hands on the arms of the chair so that she was right in his face….and then…and then!

"Why didn't you marry _me_?", She whined, and grape sized tears fell from her eyes.

_Oh no_, Alistair thought, _My beauty has caused someone pain._

He wanted to run away…but you can't run away from **your face**.

"I'm sorry Anora. I know it's hard to be desperately in love with me, but -"

Anora stopped crying instantly, "_In love with you_? I'm not in _love _with you. I just want to know how you could pick _her_ over _me_? Are my teeth not white enough? Is my face not beautiful enough? IS MY HAIR NOT BLONDE ENOUGH?"

"Okay. We just need to calm down.", Alistair slowly breathed in and out, indicating that Anora should do the same.

"I **AM** CALM!", She said through a tight smile.

Alistair was starting to get worried. This chick was acting crazier than Morrigan right now…and that's pretty crazy!

SIGH!

"Gasps! Watch out your Majesty, another ex is nearby!"

"We got your back bro!"

Alistair turned his head (as much as he could in that chair!), and found his companions had finally joined him.

"Where have you guys been?"

"Oh! The Queen made us dinner!", Morrigan gleefully sang.

"REALLY? I was **tied up**, and you three were eating dinner? Maker's spit!"

SIGH!

There it was again! That blasted onomatopoeia!

"Show yourself!"

It was completely quiet as everyone looked around the room. A face dipped into Alistair's sight.

"Need some help, _friend_?"

"Bann Teagan?"

"TOLD YA SO!"

"Not now Leli! Teagan! You're an…EX!"

Alistair was **certain** that there was NO WAY Teagan could be an Ex. It was too obvious. Yet, there he stood in all of his Bann Teagan-ness.

"Oh Alistair. Congratulations on your marriage to Lissy. I always thought you would make an excellent pair.", Teagan gushed.

"Don't even try that with me! All of you EXES are _**evil, and mean**_! Uh - not you buddy.", Alistair added after seeing Zevran's sad face : (

Teagan's voice stayed calm, as he replied, "Listen, I just wanted to _apologize_ for everything that happened with, you know, Lissy and I. It was nothing like the two of you, we weren't _in love._ It was just a long, beautiful, night of-"

"Okay - I get it…I GET IT! Spare me the - Umm Teagan?"

"Yes, Alistair?", Teagan asked gently.

"What are _those_ things?"

Teagan chuckled, "Why, Alistair, they're children."

"Right. And, _why_ do you have like a hundred children here?"

"Oh Al, there are only two dozen! They're all my adopted children! Right kids?"

One child added, "My mommy died of dysentery!"

Alistair's eye twitched, "Why?"

"Well, after the blight I decided to travel the world and do good deeds for my fellow man. I have given many coin for schools to be erected throughout Thedas. I helped fund the rebuilding of the homes that were destroyed during the blight. More recently, I have been helping these _beautiful_ and _innocent_ young people, who have lost their parents and loved ones in the war. It's just - it's just"

"Are you crying?"

Teagan then busted out into song, "_I believe the children are our future!"_

"_What the - _Never mind that! Morrigan, Zev, Leliana: ATTACK!"

Leliana replied, "But Alistair, this guy just apologized to you, offered let you free, and let's not forget the two dozen orphans."

"And he's sooo pretty!", Morrigan and Zevran were drooling as Bann Sexy straightened his coif.

"MY OWN FRIENDS TURNED AGAINST ME? Fine, I'll attack! Let me at him!", Alistair screamed while hopping toward Teagan in his chair.

"Surely we can work this out.", Teagan furrowed his brow with concern.

Leliana reluctantly cut Alistair free from the chair.

"Alright buddy! You're going down!", Alistair pointed a finger at Teagan's nose.

"HOLD ON - WAIT A MINUTE! Alistair is here because of me! MEEE! _**I'm not UGLY!**_ ", everyone turned to see the Queen was red-faced and holding on to a battle axe.

She continued, "Teagan, since you have proven too much of a distraction for our dim-witted friend here. I deeply regret the fact that I must now kill you!"

Anora lifted the axe, and jumped at Bann Teagan.

"Orphans! Protect daddy!", Teagan cried.

Five **NINJA ORPHANS** dashed in front of the Queen.

HEEEE-YAH

SMACK!

WHACK!

The ninja orphans were mercilessly kicking the Queen's ass.

"NOOO! I will **NOT** be defeated!", Anora screamed.

Then, the queen hiked up her long dress. 1,000 KILLER BATS flew from her dress. Alistair blushed at the possibility of where the bats came from.

"OH NO, NIGHT OF A THOUSAND BATS!", Zevran screamed while swishing his daggers into the air.

Alistair and his companions, helped the ninja orphans defeat the killer bats. One by one they fell to the ground, busting into little puffs of glitter.

"Stupid bat babies!" Anora started to pick up the pieces of glitter from the floor.

"BABIES? YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR BABIES!", Morrigan went crazy with rage, and bitch slapped Anora.

Bits of light spilled from Anora's body, "NOOOOOOOO!", she screamed, then burst into a shit ton of glitter.

Teagan turned to Morrigan, "You love babies too?", he gasped.

"In fact I am _having_ a baby soon. It doesn't have a _daddy!"_, Morrigan fluttered her eyelashes.

Teagan bent down on one knee, "Ma'am, it would be an _honor_ and a _privilege_, if I could help you raise your baby…as it's father."

"Are you saying you want to-"

"Marry me, good woman. For I have the _skills_ to pay the _bills_!"

"YAY!", she squealed, bouncing into his arms.

Alistair made a gagging noise at all of the _gross_ lovey dove.

"Only one more evil ex to go!", he shouted with glee.

"But first you must face…yourself!", said [GASPS] Alistair-but-not-our-Alistair-some-guy-that-could-be-a-clone-but-I-guess-you-will-find-out-in-the-next-episode!

DRAMATIC MUSIC OMG WTF BBQ!

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**Only a few more chapters until Alistair Theirin vs. The World is over *sad face***

**I will be doing another parody after ATvW. I have a few (pretty freakin funny) ideas so far. I am going to add them to my last chapter, and let you vote on what the next Parody should be.**

**I am also open to any suggestions as to what to write next. So if you have a pretty good idea, put it in the reviews or message me, and I may add it to the poll!**


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